The Problem With ‘Aging Gracefully’

Author Karen Walrond takes issue with the phrase “aging gracefully.” So do I.

Karen, who recently took part in a thoughtful Q&A on Brené Brown’s website, is spot on when she says:

“ ‘Aging gracefully’ is such an interesting term, because I think in most cases we view the phrase as meaning ‘age, but cheerfully resign yourself to it being a process of decline.’ ”

I agree. When we frame aging as decline, we succumb to what author and Yale professor Becca Levy calls “internalized ageism.” It’s a harmful mindset in which we accept society’s prejudices against older people and start to believe that our later years are all about weakness, diminished capacity, loneliness and disability.

If you believe that, believing that you need to accept decline gracefully is the next logical step.

Instead of “aging gracefully,” Karen — author of “Radiant Rebellion: Reclaim Aging, Practice Joy, and Raise a Little Hell” — suggests we adopt “aging with power.” I appreciate where she’s coming from, but I also fear that using “with power” places aging in a young vs. old, us-against-them frame.

I agree that older adults should try to take “an attitude of grounded confidence” and “define your own standards for how to greet your coming years, focusing on expansion, evolution, and confidence in your own accumulated wisdom.”

But I also would urge older adults to continue to explore, learn and grow. To me, saying “I’m aging with power” implies that you believe you already have it all figured out thanks to your experience and wisdom. But I think we age better if we also have humility and excitement about how much there still is to learn and discover.

My advice to older adults is a lot like the advice we give to children: They should venture into the world excited by the prospect of how much there is to discover and learn. There’s a big world available to all of us — whether we’re 10, 15 or 20, or 70, 80 or 90.