When the Doctor Says ‘You’re Just Getting Old’

It happens all too frequently: An older adult goes to see their doctor, complaining of a new discomfort, pain or difficulty.

The doctor listens and then replies with some version of, “Well, what do you expect at your age?”

The older adult leaves the appointment without a diagnosis — but plenty of dissatisfaction.

Any older adult who experiences such treatment has a right to be dissatisfied. But I wouldn’t say the doctor’s approach is necessarily totally wrong. It is, however, frustratingly incomplete.

All of us experience declines in physical and sometimes mental function as we get older, and some of them lead us to the doctor’s office. It makes sense that the doctor would note this during the visit.

But that can’t be the entire response — “You’re just getting old, and there’s nothing you can do about it.” (I should note that Ashton Applewhite called this out effectively in a recent post.)

A better response from the doctor might sound like this:

“Some of what you’re experiencing may well be due to physical aging. That said, if this is something that concerns you, let’s work on an action plan to address the things we can address.”

No action plan will allow a 65-, 75-, or 85-year-old to act and feel like they are 25, 35 or 45 again. But there are many instances where something can be done. An older patient doesn’t have to sit back and accept their condition just because of their age.

There are ways to forestall and, in many instances, even restore muscle function, and we can slow memory loss as well — if the older patient takes an active role.

And that brings me to the second part of this equation. Just as a doctor needs to go further than saying “What do you expect at your age?” the patient can’t just ask for a miracle cure. Expecting a pill or a procedure to instantly fix problems and make you feel 20 or 30 years younger isn’t realistic.

Just as the doctor’s response of “What do you expect” is a cop-out, it’s also a cop-out for an older adult to deny that their bodies are getting older and expect simple, no-effort solutions.

The doctor’s incomplete response is rooted in ageism and looking for the easy way to end the conversation. And the older patient’s denial is internalized ageism and looking for the easy solution that requires little or no individual effort.

Neither leads to good outcomes.